I am not reading and analysing a text I moving through a memory. I first worked with this speech when I was 18. I still remember it word perfectly so it’s clearly come to mind since then or it would have been forgotten. But the basic moves and movement with the text came then, in two to three weeks of intensive work.
The way I look at it has now altered it has a history. I can see how I moved through it and I can see a familiar issue through the eyes of my 18-year-old self.
The first thing I notice is how much information I packed into the first sentence. The rest of the words are soundless by comparison. Not, that they do not say anything, I just don’t have to think about them in the same way.
I appear to have placed all the thought at the start, created a space I can move through. I have the pattern. It seems to hold its form without too much concentration.
The only thing I would have been interested in is how does it sound? How do I move? Being free to concentrate and remember these moves would have come as something of a relief.
I can get the knowing part out of the way and can focus on the important parts. Which is just being in the moment and having a fluid transfer from one moment to the next.
I don’t need to think about being Macbeth, every moment is not packed with some form of existential crisis, being in continual motion.
The relationship with the abstract alters and in some moments objects appear and are just what they seem. They require no further explanation or thought.
They just are.
Nothing about being on a stage that suggests you are in a normal or natural location, things are never as they seem.
Ars Simia Naturae (Art Apes Nature)
The most immediate memory I have of this thing is to remember the initial error of it. The mistake I first made which was quite horrifying at the time.
The whole thing was holding together well, everything seemed in place, the next second as I identify the error everything is crashing to the floor stone dead.
Retrospectively that’s lost it’s sting and seems that it was as it should be. I am learning what I need to know to be able to speak.
Know that I have a distance in time and a history with this thing I also possess what Macbeth desired to hold from the start but could only imagine in a fragmented and altering form.
It is done.
Learning to speak is a slow and painful processes
When I was 18 I rember thinking that I was out of my depth with the text that I did not have the emtional experiance to pull this off. But I would be trying to make the space by trying to grab anything from my own experaince both internaly and by direct observation of life around me. Which is probable why the emotion is still memorable, amplification and directing the experiance into forming the words.
Its just the most direct way of rembering, recreating and getting a shape. Using what you have to hand, playing and altering its form.
When they come to mind they seem to be a part but seprate from the sound. I need to maintian distance its not howling through space fueled on raw emotion.
I don’t have the luxury of being completly absorbed in myself. Low cost option, and as long as it works, does not get in the way, its one less thing to worry about attention can be focused elsewhere.
I don’t want to have to think about any of this when I have to do it. It is going to be entering a hazardious enviroment that can be open one moment and hostile the next. It is in the first moments terrifying and the potential for further horror is an unspoken and unthought ever- present. The last thing you want to do is stop and think about where you are.
That normally leads to the urge to flee at speed as something has gone wrong.