I Dont Know
Going to abstract and boil down a moment in the life of second sight. When it is still uncertain and ill-defined. before that a look at Iceland and messy historical enquiry. Look at my pre-historic thought. The processes I use before the subject becomes a historical one.
The abstract first.
The core parts of history that I know come to mind easily, I know them and hold them in memory. Other parts which lie just outside the core of what I know, the places I have not had the time to processes in the same way can be easily found in books. Close to hand. What motivates the movement of hand to a particular series of books is often a jumble of thought, some of it may be relevant some not, the motivation may have been utterly wrong, I may find a question I did not think of that helps, I may find nothing.
It’s impossible to call, but without this moment of speculative uncertainty I do nothing. My thoughts are unaltered.
I also notice habitual ways of working that have nothing to do with history but older methods of working.
I don’t see words, my mind is blind to them, a product of dyslexia, but I have no problem dealing with sound, how it feels how it shapes itself on the tongue. If I remember a single sentence, I can place a differing idea see how that alters the shape and sound of the words. When I have this emotional form I can remember it and remember multiple ideas that I can let occupy the same space.
I like this form of remembering thought as it only lives in the moment in a very particular alignment within the space. Alter the pattern it dies. It allows me to change my mind without losing sight of the contradiction. It’s the way I remember its history, it also allows me to alter inflection depending on who I am speaking to.
In any performance context this is a process you have to deploy and deploy at speed.
I need to absorb something else in what I am doing. I need to make a set of calculations to do that. As I have no need to absorb myself, the final decision is not mine to make. It belongs elsewhere with the audience. I can predict in advance what will work but it will forever change as the mood and situation alters from one audience to the next. Often an inflection will hold form from one to the next.
The most interesting ones are the those that do not seem to be a product of my mind or the audience. They occur in the space between both. You catch sight of what is happening in the moment and you see how you can alter the next moment and reach for it so there will no longer be a distance between anything in the space.
All the dots are now fully connected, it only takes a moment but it makes it easier to hold the shape, resistance and movement away from what is taking shape in the air is increasingly futile.
I am using my past educational experience and using it in an altered form to deal with a different set of issues in the present. The basic issue the same, How do I remember all this crap and filter it down into fine detail? With all this going on how do I maintain the correct distance from my subject?
Make the calculation and allow it to become something else that is not dependant on simply the thought that exists only in my mind. This is the most familiar way I can think about these things. It does not translate well.
Some of the data is of no use. When I think carefully with words I also make the calculations required to project sound over considerable distance. I can feel the ghost of muscle movement, the way I have to shape my tongue, open my throat, or let the bones of my skull vibrate to produce a certain quality. This takes no effort, it just happens. I don’t pay it any attention yet it is almost always present when I think with words.
I can pay it no attention but I cannot make it fully stop. It is how a learned to understand, analyse and remember what language is and how it is to be used.
Before inflection or the different task of looking at history in context, the first thing is a vague fuzzy and undermined pattern.
Here I have two options think first then stand it up on its feet. Stand it up on its feet think later.
As a creature of habit and little shame I go for option B. Get it on its feet and play with it, rather than give it any thought.
See what option B does next in relation to Iceland and the idea of fish. Get a general sense of the subject.
Here I will be attempting to place my subject in a historical context by taking it out of context. It does not appear a particularly cunning plan, but all I need is movement, further more complicated moves can come later. All I need is the desire and the momentum to make them.